post-human relationships

2 dreams;

1. C and I in a room that looks like my room at Dad's house but it's actually a hotel room in some tropical city. I'm just waking up next to him in bed and I'm thirsty so he convinces me to go down on him, which I do and I love and we start fooling around and it feels unreal; unbelievably good. He says, "do you want to feel this at the nicest place in the city?" He then flies me up over the city while we're still making love and says, "now I'm going to do this..." He presses on me and tomato sauce gushes out of my face. We laugh and I get up to brush my teeth and we hear my mom telling us to get ready to see the family.

2. There is a giant fish tank and there is a giant fish floating upside down in it. It is floating around the tank and all the little fish are following it. There is also a stair case so people can get to the top of the tank and touch the fish as it floats by.

trying to impress you

do what?

mimi as paper weight

I have this senior citizen kitty that needs to be in my lap as much as possible, but when I ban her from the lap, she'll sleep on the desk, and since I don't have the heart to ban her from the desk, I just work around her.

reasons i like myself

I was just reading an old journal from when I was 20 wherein I made a list of "Reasons I like Myself." One of the reasons was, "I love my cat, unconditionally."

It makes me look to myself now; am I putting conditions on loving the cat?

I have the heart of a 27-year-old jaded by years of abuse from cats.

Other reasons I liked myself;
"I smell okay"
"I can find cool things"
"At least I think I'm funny"

the sensitive man moderne

intermission

 

I feel like deviating from my usual collage posts today. 

I painted my room a couple days ago and the new paint makes me feel like my entire life is cleaner.

I've been in a burst of social gatherings this past week as is the way of Summertime. It's been great; my friends are luminous people with stellar wit and as an added bonus, they're all incredibly good-looking. Although I will admit I'm craving some genuine Crocket Alone Time stationed mostly in The Scissor Area. That is to say, I'd like to be left alone with my sketchbook and gluesticks. 

This is the most recent picture of me that I took while I was working in my studio downstairs.  My friend Chris says you gotta keep Church and State separate, but I still can't decide if the studio is state and the bedroom is church or should it be the other way around?

the antagonist returns in a new outfit

what should i be learning from this?

of course the answer is yes.

"i hope you're ok"

------





"[She] keeps her own life a secret from herself. She repeats things until they are true, or until she can’t tell whether they are true or not. She has become an expert at confusing what is with what was with what should be with what could be. She avoids mirrors, and lifts a powerful telescope to find herself."
Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated 

notes on confusion

theft

let's go get high

you can't be human forever

if you can forgive the mirror, then you can forgive me. 

I used to take it seriously, the things people ignored or dismissed.

But now I just say, "Well! More for me!"

the yell

bring your own, but break it yourself

"Its self alienation has reached such a degree that it can experience its own destruction as an aesthetic pleasure of the first order."

-Walter Benjamin, 1936

the fall

seeing what stop-motion feels like

reassure the casualty

more sadnesses

inspired by these, I'm adding some more of my own.

SADNESSES OF TIME. sadness of not having enough time. sadness of having too much time with no one to spend it with. sadness of giving away your time in exchange for money. sadness of waiting.  sadness of autumn. sadness of spending the night in a hospital. sadness of lovers being in different time zones. sadness of wasting time. sadness of looking at pictures of yourself with your best friends when you were young.

SADNESSES OF GEOGRAPHY. sadness of borders. sadness of immigration laws. passport photo sadness. sadness of moving away. wanderlust sadness. sadness of traveling alone. homesickness. sadness of friends moving away. sadness of trains. sadness of facebook photos of friends in exotic locals. the sadness of migrating birds. sadness of looking at stars.

SADNESSES OF COMMUNICATION. sadness of waiting too long to write an e-mail. sadness of waiting to be written back. sadness that the right words don't seem to exist at the moment. sadness of telling a joke poorly. sadness of knowing what to say but not having anyone to say it to. sadness of talking to your parents from far away. sadness of saying something in anger. sadness of not knowing where an old friend is and wanting to just say hi, i miss you. sadness of keeping a secret. sadness of crying in front of a stranger. fake-orgasm sadness. sadness of avoidance. sadness of interrupting. the sadness that comes when someone asks how you are and there's no way of really telling them in one sentence which is all they're really asking for, but you wish you could convey it anyway.